I’d never kid about free (non-alcoholic) beer

Just in case you thought I was kidding:

Free beer!

Further bulletins as events warrant.

Update: The link above is dead now. I’ve re-created the post after the jump.

I can already hear you asking “Who the hell would want free beer? And why would someone own it in the first place?”

Allow me to explain.

I work for a local, well-known, weekly magazine. As part of a story, I needed to purchase some non-alcoholic beer. Specifically, three brands: O’Doul’s Amber, Sharp’s, and Clausthaler. In writing the story, six bottles of the beer (two of each brand) were used. Twelve bottles of the beer were not used.

What with the country currently trying to live as “green” a life as possible, it seemed a shame to throw away this near-beer. So instead I am offering it for free to anyone who would like to pick it up from my apartment and take it off my hands.

Sure, this might seem a little odd. But let’s face it: people give away dirt on Craiglist, so this isn’t any odder than that. Of course, you could probably think up several reasons why you might need dirt, and not one single reason why you might want some non-alcoholic beer. Unless you really dig beer and don’t want to have to deal with all the pesky “getting shit-faced” aspects of it.

And at the very least, you will have a great story that begins “So this guy was offering free non-alcoholic beer on Craigslist” to tell at your next party. And how many people can say THAT?

The details:

You will be receiving 12 bottles of beer:
* Four bottles of O’Doul’s Amber, billed as “rich and flavorful”
* Four bottles of Sharp’s, advertised as “brewed for all” and featuring “the Crisp, Refreshing taste of Beer, Anytime” (their insane use of CAPS not mine)
* Four bottles of Clausthaler, winner of the World Beer Cup Association of Brewers USA, Milwaukee 200 and the 2000 Gold Award Non-Alcoholic-Malt Beverages and brewed according to the German Purity Law of 1516

You must pick up this beer yourself or send one of your assistants, minions, associates, lackeys, pledges, etc. to do it for you. I live not too far from a CTA Brown Line stop that they’ve managed to keep open for now. So get while the gettin’s good.

UPDATE: The beer has been claimed. Thanks to everyone who offered to take it off my hands.

1 comment for “I’d never kid about free (non-alcoholic) beer

  1. September 19, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    that was an awesome post. probably unrecognized as such by most of craigslist, who can’t even spell correctly.

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