Disbelief, unsuspended

Here’s my problem with most Adam Sandler movies:

It isn’t the plot. I can buy the idea that a guy whose father has a lot of money could convince a school system to let him repeat kindergarten through high school. A former hockey player becomes a golf pro? Sure, why not. I don’t really play sports, but I remember how Bo Jackson used to be really good at baseball and football, so that seems plausible. A waterboy could be a football player? Saw it in Lucas, and I believed it then, too. Moreover, it makes total sense to me that someone could earn a living as a wedding singer, or that Christopher Walken could invent a remote control capable of controlling everything in the world. I even buy that DCFS would let him hold onto a kid for more than five minutes without calling Dateline NBC.

Where my cognitive dissonance kicks in is on this point: how does fucking Adam Sandler have incredibly hot women falling in love with him in almost every film? I mean, come on. Patricia Arquette and Fairuza Balk, sure. They both seem kinda crazy. But Marisa Tomei? Kate Beckinsale? Bridgette Wilson? Hell, in Spanglish he has two hot women after his ass. That’s just nuts.

The most intelligence-insulting part of I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry – and this includes all the weird gay panic crap that substitutes for a plot – is that I’m expected to believe that there is any chance in this world or any other than a woman that looks like Jessica Biel would be dating a guy like Adam Sandler.

I think the reason that I enjoyed The Wedding Singerso much is because I felt like Drew Barrymore got the better end of the deal in that one.

8 comments for “Disbelief, unsuspended

  1. Rach=)
    June 27, 2007 at 4:41 pm

    My problem with his new flick (aside from the inherent societal “gay panic”) is that the enire problem with the insurance person or whoever Jessica Biel is suppose to be can be solved with three simple words, “We are bi-sexual.” :-p

  2. June 28, 2007 at 6:45 am

    what are you saying about drew barrymore? ???? i might be confused about what you are saying. so please clarify before i claw your eyes out if you are dissin’ my drew. :)

  3. June 28, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    I’m saying I don’t see what people see in her. She’s a limp actress, and is pretty much a blank slate of a personality. Not to say she doesn’t have one, but I think it’s easily imprinted by the last thing she read about in Vanity Fair.

  4. June 28, 2007 at 9:30 pm

    (HUFF!) we shall have to agree to disagree, sir!

  5. June 29, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    I like neither Drew or Adam, but if I had to choose I’d take Drew in her rolls before the age of 10, and I’m not being dirty here!

  6. July 1, 2007 at 1:45 pm

    I can sum up my – and hopefully Our Man’s – apathy toward Drew Barrymore in one scene.First Charlie’s Angels flick, when she gets untied from the chair and starts the whole “one against many” kung fu fight, which ends predictably with her the victor, and ends with her saying “kicking your atthh” in that lisp she tries so hard to hide.That lisp turned out to be her only showing of personality in the movie.

  7. July 1, 2007 at 7:06 pm

    Yeah, that’s about right. She’s about as interesting as a rice cake lately. I think the last movie she was actually compelling was Poison Ivy.

  8. July 1, 2007 at 7:47 pm

    Adam Sandler Is a comedic genius!Just kidding… I haven’t seen the latest movie, but he is getting a bit tired in my book. Sure there are some funny lines in all of his movies, but it just kinda gets rehashed over and over…

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